i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
