So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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