Porn is love you can see.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
