My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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