did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
