If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
