We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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