I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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