I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
