Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
