So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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