I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
