I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
