I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
