you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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