NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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