She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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