he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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