masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
