you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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