I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
