Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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