when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
