I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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