I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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