Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
