My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
