dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
