I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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