Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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