I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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