Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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