I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
