Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
