i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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