Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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