Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The ass gains better be worth it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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