I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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