by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
