Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
