I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
