take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
