Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
