Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
