watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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