you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
