My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it glows. i had to have it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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