Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
