we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
