i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
