Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
