That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
